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1999-05-04` Z071 {Tedious Cancer}

She drew me my dreams and with ease she unrumpled
a mind convoluted and crumpled,
that was mine then, but now is for none save the one who shall
someday receive me completely.
So with eyes to the floor I stand, sorry and sore,
and I long for that sleep to defeat me,
so the whole world may breathe me as you did so easily,
silent in moments of knowing,
and flowing like smoke from a gun, I then curled,
but awoke as you flung me from heaven.
And as falling I questioned, you drew breath and testified
love was a tedious cancer.
She walked here with him at her side and she paused,
and shook salt from the pores of her angel
as the light at an angle, obscure, hit his face
it lit wings that were crisped and crimson.
And unquenchable flames danced untamed atop wounds
that can only be healed with the weapon,
and the grace with which he and his savagery sinned
was majestically mauled and digested,
as the stench of contentions, horrendous and hungry,
that fester and feed grew much thicker,
and bitter these barbs of contentment hold fast,
and they rust in the pit of my longing.
These shards of resentment have cut me to pieces
and have left me infected and sleepless,
and the scars of your scorn may have faded,
but now are known only as places of numbness.
I've become this confused and eclectic collection
of fuses that blow at the world,
and in it are all your things – golden –
I hurl my disdain at.

My glory was sudden and suddenly gone,
and my long face grew longful and sullen.